Story by: Matt Cummings
This last week saw all five television networks announce their cancellations and renewals. That leaves nearly 100 potential new shows in the oven, each vying for our hearts, space on our DVR's, and ultimately our time. But first each has to appear before advertisers, whose votes will determine which are picked up and those that get sent back to the baker.
As we prepared to post this, it became clear that two new trends had appeared in several new shows: first, the stranger their plot, the more apt to be considered. And like that smelly stuff which has been thrown against the wall, the networks are hoping these will stick. Second, many of these are rejects of previous pilots, regurgitated and repainted for your pleasure. Neither of these sound particularly appealing
Rather than share all of them, we've hand-picked a selected lot which sadly back up our claims. Remember, most of these are not guaranteed to even appear, but some will crawl out of the wreckage of the upfronts and find their way to our television sets, whether we want them to or not.
Reading through these might make you laugh, until you realize that they are real AND appearing on a station near you. The plots are taken directly from the studios, so no enhancements by yours truly.
Prepare yourselves.
Hieroglyph (Fox)
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Prepare yourselves.
Hieroglyph (Fox)
- Stars: Max Brown, Reece Ritchie, Condola Rashad, John Rhys-Davies, Caroline Ford, Antony Bunsee, Kelsey Chow
- Set in the world of ancient Egypt, action-adventure drama Hieroglyph follows a notorious thief who is plucked from prison to serve the Pharaoh, forcing him to navigate palace intrigue, seductive concubines, criminal underbellies and divine sorcerers, as he races to stop the downfall of one of history’s greatest civilizations.
Weird Loners (Fox)
- Stars: Zachary Knighton, Becki Newton, Nate Torrence
- The story of four relationship-phobic people who are unexpectedly thrust into each other's lives and form an unlikely bond in a Queens, N.Y., townhouse.
The Last Man on Earth (Fox)
- Stars: Will Forte
- A single-camera comedy about the life and adventures of the last man on earth. Phil Miller was once just an average guy who loved his family and hated his job at the bank – now he’s humanity’s last hope. Will he ever find another person alive on the planet? Would hoping that she is a female be asking too much?
Scorpion (CBS)
- Stars: Elyes Gabel, Katharine McPhee, Robert Patrick, Eddie Kaye Thomas, Ari Stidham
- Based on the life of Walter O'Brien, the drama revolves around an eccentric genius and his international network of super-geniuses who form the last line of defense against the complex threats of the modern age.
CSI: Cyber (CBS)
- Stars: Patricia Arquette
- Technology, as we know it, has amplified human behavior to the point where faceless criminals are committing crimes at global proportions with a touch of a button. Avery Ryan, special agent in charge at the Cyber Crime Division of the FBI in Quantico, Va., is tasked to solve high-octane crimes that start in the mind, live online, and play out into the real world.
While there are several appealing mainstream efforts coming out - CW's The Flash, FOX's Gotham, ABC's Peggy Carter, and CBS's The McCarthy's - those featured above are just the tip of what's shaping up to be a very weird iceberg. We left out plots about an LAPD unit that follows stalkers and another involving a "maverick female Secretary of State" as she navigates a difficult home life and the political realm.
If these represent the best of the best, can you imagine what the lower rung look like? For now, we utter the famous phrase by our SNL friend Jebidiah Atkinson: "NEXT!"
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