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Saturday, May 21, 2011

POTC:On Stranger Tides Movie Review SandwichJohn

Pirates of the Caribbean:On Stranger Tides Movie Review
By: SandwichJohn

Let's start this review by saying Pirates of the Caribbean:On Stranger Tides was better then Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End. Which isn't really saying much.

Looks like this film did fall into the fourth film curse. Read the article HERE. I truly hope that they don't make another film in this franchise, but rumors have it more are on the way in the near future.

I wasn't jumping out of my seat to see this film in the first place, but I had to do a review on the film and my oldest wanted to go, so what is a Dad to say. Gitty up, let's go see the movie.

Spoiler Alert 
From the opening of the film, you get the feeling that this movie is just going to be slow. We first see Jack Sparrow in London where he is to sentenced to death by hanging. But when Jack Sparrow is unhooded it is none other then his first mate Joshamee Gibbs (Kevin McNally) and the mysterious Judge who is residing over the case is non other then, Yup, Jack Sparrow.

What do you think happens? You guessed right, they both escape.  The action sequence just felt tired and boring. See if you catch Judi Dench in the chase scene.  Everything we see has been done before. After a long drawn out chase sequence Jack and Gibbs are finally caught and brought in front of King George II, and a privateer who is working for the king,n Captain Hector Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush.) Yeah it only gets worse. He escapes again and some how reunites with his father Captain Teague (Keith Richards). What else is a father to do when he sees his son? Give him some advice about the Fountain of Youth

It is then that Jack meets his impostor Angelica (Penélope Cruz), sorry she didn't do it for me at all. She is a former lover of Jack's from back in the days. Jack falls for the banana in the tail pipe and is drugged and taken aboard Queen Anne's Revenge, who is under the command of Blackbeard (Ian McShane.)

We learn that Blackbeard is Angelica father and wants Jack to show them the way to Fountain of Youth. The reason that the cruel and vicious Blackbeard wants to get to the Fountain of Youth is to save his life. It has been revealed that he will be killed by a man with one wooden leg. You will be able to figure that out quite soon.

Angelica reveals that there is a ritual that must take place before one can gain the powers of the fountain. Ponce de León's two silver chalices and a mermaid's tear (yes one single tear), the person who drinks the chalices with the tear will have their life lengthen and the other person is just shit our of luck.

So what's next but to go on a fishing trip to capture the mermaids. Off to Whitecap Bay. It's Mermaid catching time. They would have been better off hiring Sig Hansen and the crew from the Northwestern to catch these ladies. (Let's see how many people get this reference) These are not the mermaids we have seen from Disney before, don't be fooled none of them are like Ariel. The ladies are SEXY. The ship is attacked by vampire looking mermaids and that was that. One lucky mermaid was caught and later named Syrena (Àstrid Bergès-Frisbey) by missionary Philip Swift (Sam Claflin). Now this is when I should have walked out. Religion in a Pirates movie, I just started to shake my head.

Not sure if I can go on. I am still shaking my head. Pause Time for a drink of Rum. (Not really a screwdriver with vodka from a plastic bottle sounds better.) If you know me then you'll understand.

Feeling better maybe this review will turn around now.

What does a man have to do to make a mermaid cry? Cut the throat of one she has made a bond within 30 minutes of meeting him. Who would have known that Syrena didn't have a heart. No tears for him. But eventually a tear is shed, not going to give this away.

Blackbeard sends Jack off to Ponce de León's ship to retrieve the two silver chalices. But who is there waiting for him but Barbossa, Gibbs,and a few English soldiers. And to find out that the chalices were taken by the The Spanish.

Once every arrives at the party called The Fountain Of Youth, they learn that it is a trap set up by Jack and Barbossa. A long boring drawn out battle happens. Nothing we haven't seen in the last three movies. And what else, the Spaniards arrive to save the day for GOD. Shaking head again. Religion in a Pirates movie, Yes.

Another thing I couldn't sit through the credit but I am told something is revealed after they run.

Hard on the movie, yes. We all know this movie is going to make a bundle of cash over the next few weeks, but I really feel that the movie is a matinée movie.

5 sandwiches out of 10

Please Leave A Comment-


The Missing Man June 2, 2011 at 2:47 PM  

Ouch. I gave the film a little more leeway in my review.

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