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Saturday, February 8, 2014

Lucky Bastard Review. Believe Me, It's That Bad

Lucky Bastard Review
By: MattInRC

It goes without saying that we at SJF sometimes review films not meant for theatrical release. Sometimes referred to as 'Direct-to-DVD,' many of these feature poor scripts, worse acting, and a sense that film students were given free reign by someone who didn't know any better. Lucky Bastard is one of these, a tasteless and scattershot film utterly without value or even the sense to know it's dead on arrival.

Slapped with an NC-17 rating for extreme nudity and imagined scenes of rape, the story follows a team of porno producers and actresses as they run into a fan who just won't take 'no' for an answer after a contest goes bad. It's a 'found footage' affair, complete with jittery pans and dizzying tennis-style back and forth as our actors pound each other before the bad guy arrives to have sex with the company's top dog. When he's mocked for prematurely shooting his wad, the young kid has his revenge, whacking nearly everyone before dying himself at the hands of Lucky Bastard's finest asset.

We could have given it higher ratings had the film actually decided on using real bondage techniques to tie up its victims, or the acting had been above the high school musical effort we're forced to endure. Lucky Bastard - the name of the porn website - can't reveal its sexual nature for fear of being branded a straight-up porno, but keeps reminding us of a rejected candidate for Cinemax After Dark. At least there, we get closeups of T&A - here, it's a 'whoops!' moment of full-frontal hilarity, followed by declarations of why porn is such a leecher's environment. No duh, but that message gets lost early on and by the end we couldn't care who dies. It's not even good enough to be granted the 'so bad it's funny' title, reminding us instead of the old adage, 'just because you can, doesn't mean you should.'

Lucky Bastard doesn't know when to quit - it becomes so entrenched in its 'horror-porn' personality that it forgets why it exists in the first place. We can't recommend this on any level, for its obvious stage production values detract from any message about the industry it tries so desperately to make. It's rated NC-17 and has a runtime of 94 excruciating minutes.

Discuss this review with fellow SJF fans on Facebook. On Twitter, follow us at @SandwichJFilms, and follow author Matt Cummings at @mfc90125.

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